Sometimes things don't work out the way you want them too...

Wow, I can't believe it has been a year since I written in and started this blog. So much for that huh? I remember being so inspired to be a "blogger" that I got overwhelmed by it. I don't know why those feelings piled up on me.. Maybe it was because I started the blog for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to start a blog and have a YouTube channel and turn it into a job where i would be making money. Which is a horrible way to start a dream... I instantly felt pressured to do something i wasn't necessarily  comfortable with. I don't care if people read my blog or not. I think i'll write for myself. Kind of like a hidden cove of secrets. Who knows when my next post will be.. if there ever will be one...

A lot has happened over the year. I have fallen into a deep depression, but yet out of all the darkness I still have glimmers of hope...faint as they may be.. I have also made some new friends. Which is both awesome and terrible. Awesome because I now have people I can talk to and hang out with. Terrible because my insecurities are screaming at me every time i talk to them. I'm always afraid to just BE a person. Maybe I've forgotten how to be a person.. Which is likely because for 5 years I've been a hermit and didnt go out much at all. My husband and I never go on dates. Our 3 kids are a handful. Life revolves around them and trying hard to keep my marriage together. Sounds fun doesn't it? I had such high hopes for 2015 because it started out awesome.. But things faded... and summer vacation is about to start in a few days. We had plans to go to San Diego for my sons football tournament but that fell through. It was such a bummer to hear the news about not going. I was using that as a goal to lose weight. I did lose 19 lbs already.. but now i have little motivation to even get on my treadmill. It's pathetic I know. I'm a stay at home mom who doesn't even have a job..who doesn't have a license.. who stays home 24/7... You'd think I could find a half hour out of my "busy" schedule to run on a treadmill... Nope. *Sigh*

I know this will pass with help. Already working on it. It sucks feeling like you've lost control of your life. But it wont get better overnight.. which is a little bit discouraging.. but I will keep pushing in the right direction even if the steps are not even baby ones...


Here's the newest member of my family Saoirse (Seer-sha)...she's a cutie Lynx Point Siamese that we adopted. Random.. but I like her :)